Patient Zero
by Stefan Ruzowitzky

With a cast that includes Natalie Dormer, Stanley Tucci, Matt Smith, and Clive Standen (just to name a few), one would think that the post-apocalyptic Patient Zero would be a homerun flick. The trailer was on point and the synopsis reads great, but one would be wrong in assuming that this film was anything but trash.

Look, I don’t ever enjoy bad mouthing a work of fiction, but sometimes it’s required in order to save others from a) wasting their time and b) wanting to smash whatever electronic device they’re watching it on.

I love the apocalypse, I love zombies, and I really was looking forward to enjoying this movie, but amidst the boredom and confusion also lies major disappointment. If you care to know what it’s about, I’m literally copying and pasting from IMDb here because that’s how much I don’t care about explaining this film. After an unprecedented global pandemic turns the majority of humankind into violent “Infected,” a man gifted with the ability to speak the Infected’s new language leads the last survivors on a hunt for Patient Zero and a cure.

The first thing this film did wrong was having actors take on accents that sound forced and unnatural. When you have an end of the world scenario, who cares where the people are from? Most of the cast come from across the pond and should have been allowed to speak naturally. I’m sure non-American viewers cringe when an American does a shoddy British accent or a stereotypical (insert random country here) accent, so that’s what I experienced: total cringe throughout the film as British actors tried their best to sound like they were born and raised in the US.

The second problem was the fact that Stanley Tucci, a total blast in anything else I’ve seen him in, was underutilized and the whole “genius zombie” storyline was never really explored aside from “oh, yeah, we have a hive mind and we’re smarter than you.”

This leads me to the third and probably biggest issue I had with Patient Zero. The story felt so rushed and choppy. It felt like chunks of the film had been edited out and there was almost zero character building aside from some B-movie quality flashbacks pertaining to the main character’s pre-apocalypse life. One minute characters are arguing, the next minute they’re banging in a bathroom, and suddenly Natalie Dormer is crying in a bathroom stall holding a pregnancy test. The best way for me to describe it would be to say that this film had a complete lack of substance. It was just flat out lacking everything.

There were a lot of interesting concepts that were poorly executed and wasted. Smart zombies and torture via classic rock could have really done wonders for this film, but the bad outweighed the good by metric tons.

I didn’t care about the characters, I didn’t care about how the story was going to end, I just wanted it to be over. In the final act I was really rooting for the zombies and wanted these boring humans wiped out for good. Do yourself a favor and skip this one.

(This review was originally published on Horror Metal Sounds)