What’s up, party people?

Stevie here with an article repost from HMS. I originally wrote this last week for the site, but I wanted to repost here and elaborate a bit because it’s something near and dear to me.

After the birth of my son on March 18th I am not ashamed to admit that I struggled greatly with PPD (postpartum depression). Aside from my husband and son, I was literally alone because of the quarantine restrictions. Not to mention the fact that I was so lost inside of my own head because of my depression that, sure, my husband was a wonderful support system, but I had never felt more isolated and desperate in my entire life. It was hard. I was spiraling down a dark tunnel, and fast. My mind had turned against me and it was hard to see beyond the walls of my own home and even begin to consider the state of the world outside. It was because of this that I couldn’t help but feel abandoned by family and friends. I couldn’t bring myself to think of what anyone else might be going through because my own haze was so thick. It was out of my control. It’s a horrible thing, to lose control of your mind.

Even though I am a writer and content creator, creating anything was outside of my ability, I couldn’t even write if I tried. The only thing keeping me going was my son, and I will be grateful to this boy for the rest of my days.

So, what’s a girl to do when she’s being crushed by the clenched fist of her own thoughts? Consume other people’s creations and find a way to cope without falling further down the spiral.

Maybe I’ll be seen as lazy or unhealthy for consuming hours upon hours of content via streaming, and to that I say eat a dick and take your fucking judgment elsewhere.

Back to the point. Horror helped me during a trying time in my life. Hours and hours of horror helped me find my way back to the light and I was able to talk to a doctor and get myself some help. Now, through that clarity I can get back onto the road of being my own creator and maybe help someone else some day in the way that I was helped. I also see clearly the people who truly did abandon me during this period of darkness, and yeah, I’m going to be “that person,” I’m going to remember it forever, and I have every right to.

If you or a loved one is suffering from PPD, please reach out for help from a professional and if you can’t bring yourself to do it, contact me, I will be more than happy to reach out both arms and pull you back out of your abyss. You are NOT alone.

And with that, on to the article! Feel free to share and as always, thanks for visiting the site.

Keep it creepy.

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If you’re reading this, congratulations, you’ve survived 2020 thus far.

This chaotic hellscape of a year has given us the slowest burn of an apocalypse that wouldn’t even be worthy of a one-star rating on IMDb if turned into a film. When the best part of the last six months has been Carole Fucking Baskin, you know you’re dealing with some real horse shit. Between my postpartum depression (PPD) and COVID-19 it was hard to find something to focus on (aside from my son, of course) while being confined to my home and so I turned to my old friend, Horror, to help remind me that my problems, no matter how scary or big they might seem, could always be worse.

I watched a lot of go-to comfort movies that I’ve seen way too many times like The Descent and Alien, but I also watched a few new things that I’ve added to my list of awesome like The Hunt and Underwater.

Even though this isn’t necessarily a review piece for HMS, I can’t help but express my feelings on Underwater. I’ve been home for nearly four months doing a whole lot of nothing with my kid besides streaming so I can kind of speak from expert status here. Underwater is the best horror film of 2020 (so far) and Kristen Stewart is surprisingly great. I can’t spoil the plot, but by George, what a damn great reveal! It’s unfortunate that the film sat in hell for three years as Disney took over Twentieth Century Fox, but at least it finally did see the light of day. I also did some reading that much was edited out and that’s a bummer, I think this film could have spawned one hell of a franchise. Here’s to hoping that it still does. Anyway, please check this film out, you can rent on Amazon right now, it’s a hell of a horror flick with claustrophobia and creepy fucking creatures of the deep! Not to mention this is a thalassophobic’s worst nightmare!

As far as horror series go, I have to say M. Night Shyamalan’s Servant is currently at the top of my “looking forward to next season” list. I think the relevancy of Servant in my life as I was battling postpartum depression during the loneliest time of my life is what made me want to write a bit about it for this piece.

Servant was a show my husband had been bugging me to watch while I was pregnant, but I just couldn’t bring myself around to it until after my son was born. It was a smart decision on my part as the storyline would have just added another ten-ton brick to my pile of worry while I waited to go into labor. Now, that’s not to say the series didn’t give me major fucking anxiety as I watched it considering the subject matter. Every parent’s worst nightmare is something happening to their child, especially new parents. Did I know this before watching? Hell no, I’m a new parent, dummy! Regardless, the series is one of the freshest I’ve watched as of late and it creeps along and builds up that anxiety with each episode so you never feel safe while you’re watching.

I have to say that I haven’t seen PPD depicted in horror before, and if I have, I’ll be honest and tell you I just probably didn’t pay it any attention. To watch something like Servant and relate strangely to a character in a new way that you never expected to in your whole life is a very raw thing, especially when it can be used as a tool to cope with your own bullshit. Obviously, I’m in no way unhinged or going through anything like Dorothy in the series, but Lauren Ambrose brings this very destroyed character to life in a way that breaks every part of your heart while also giving you major cringe vibes. The story and cast of Servant are stellar in so many ways from the creepiness and mystery to even the jump scares and dark humor scattered throughout the dialogue. While not the most standout thing I’ve ever watched, it spoke to me on several levels and I have a different kind of appreciation for it. I definitely think season two will answer a lot of questions it left me with and head down new and even stranger avenues.

I chose to elaborate on this show specifically because it dealt with grief, depression, loneliness, anger and a whole spectrum of human emotion in such a delicate and creative way. I think with the way the world has been, particularly in relation to the quarantine, that a lot of people can find a sort of escapism in its mystery and horror-driven drama. Not everyone is going to feel the same or find the same things in it that I did, but that’s the beauty of speculative fiction.

Horror has always been there for me through my life, whether the times be good or bad, and once again it was there for me during what felt like too long of a dark and stormy night. Everyone had their way of coping through the quarantine and all the demons that came with it, this was mine.

I highly recommend Servant, streaming now on AppleTV+.

(You can read the rest of this article and hear from my review team members, Robin and PJ, by visiting Horror Metal Sounds.)